Urahara's Super Vacation Bonus Prize!
by koharu-pyon
Summary: What if you could win a day in seireitei? That is exactly what Urahara is offering one lucky customer. humor. Shameless self-insert.
1. Chapter 1

CH 1: Urahara's Super Vacation Bonus Prize!

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Rukia stuffed the last of the items into her already over flowing bag. Struggling to hoist the bag, the petite shinigami nearly toppled over. "Rukia that bag is almost twice your size, let me take it before you kill yourself." Ichigo chided, easily lifting the burgeoning bag.

"Thanks" Rukia whipped a bead of sweat off her brow, then turned to the counter where Ururu stood patiently waiting. "I can't believe this was so expensive" She mumbled fumbling in her pocket for her wallet. Grudgingly she handed over the money.

"Ururu! Don't forget to tell her about the prize," Jinta yelled from somewhere in back. Ururu sighed. She was not about to forget. There was no need for Jinta to yell at her but she brushed her irritation aside and turned an impassive smile to her waiting customers.

"A prize?" Ichigo asked intrigued. Maybe they would get so cool new gadget or free information services? Urahara could be a useful guy when he wasn't lazing around. Rukia however was slightly more skeptical. No prize from the Urahara shop was ever what it seemed to be.

"Yes, one lucky winner receives an all expense paid one-day vacation to Seireitei to see the 13 division captains in action!" She said with the poise of a well-practiced sales pitch. "Customers who buy a sufficient amount of product are automatically entered into the drawing and seeing as how you bought so much, you qualify." Ururu stopped her speech to rummage about behind the counter. Before producing a small yellow ticket, which she handed to Rukia.

"Thank you but, no thank you," Rukia replied pushing the ticket back to Ururu. "I can go to seireitei anytime and I'm already a member of the 13th squad."

"Oh, my…um…" Ururu looked frazzled and finally looked down slumping her shoulders. "I understand but Urahara-san would be angry if I did not give every customer a ticket, he is really proud of this sales scheme and you are the only customer to buy enough to earn a ticket today…" Ururu looked even more dejected than normal.

"Rukai, do something!" Ichigo prodded, knocking her with the heavy bag, practically sending her fly across the counter.

"Okay…um...go ahead and give me the ticket Ururu." Rukia decided as she adjusted her robes. She took the ticket and proffered pen then quickly scribbled on the paper and handed it back. "Thank you. Have a nice day." Rukia said as she headed out the door with Ichigo and the giant bag in tow.

"Thank you Ms. Rukia! Good luck in the contest!" Ururu called in response, a half smile on her pale face.

Rukia and Ichigo trudged on in silence for a few minutes. The warm spring sun was unusually hot. Finally Ichigo asked, "Did you really enter? What are you going to do if you win?" Rukia chuckled to herself as she walked on ahead.

"Of course, I entered. I just wrote some unusual foreign sounding name. If my ticket gets drawn, it will have no address, get thrown out and some other person's ticket will win." Rukia smiled broadly at her own cleverness, "Besides what are the odds of my ticket being chosen?" Ichigo nodded, adjusted the pack and walked on. Then again how many people actually shopped at Urahara's store?

---------One month later------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ururu and Jinta looked at the very small number of tickets in the basket behind the counter. "Are you sure you told all the customers about the prize?" Ururu asked fingering the tickets nervously. Jinte glared at her then gave a fierce tug on her bangs.

"Of course, I did! Maybe you forgot." He was about to vent some more frustration on her hair when Urahara walked in.

"Ok, let's draw the lucky winner of Urahara's Seireitei Vacation Bonus Prize!" Holding out his hand expectantly he looked at Ururu. Reluctantly she handed him the nearly empty basket. "That's all?!" he asked a bit shocked. Ururu bowed her head despondently. Seeing her upset Urahara laughed. "No matter, the prize doesn't cost me a thing it is all just some excellent planning on my part." His eyes glinted mischievously from beneath his hat brim. "Let's do the drawing!" Snapping open his fan he held it over the basket and indicated for Ururu to draw a ticket.

Her thin, pale hand reluctantly crept forward, trembling as if it were a wild animals maw not a simple basket. Annoyed, Jinta smacked her hand aside and thrust in his own. He pulled out a single yellow ticket and held it up to his face. His brow furrowed and he turned the ticket a different direction. Squinting his eyes he put it closer to his face his confusion growing. Finally, frustrated he shoved the ticket into Ururu's hands. "you read it!" he commanded.

Ururu looked throughtfully at the ticket. After a moment she handed it to Urahara. "Here Urahara-san. I cannot read this name. I think it is foreign."

"Interesting, I did not know we had any foreign customers in recently." Urahara stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"There is no address. Shall we choose another?" Ururu asked politely.

Closing his fan with a sharp snap Urahara dropped the ticket in his pocket. "No, this is the winning customer." Without another word he headed into the back recesses of the shop to perform whatever mysterious magic he did that gave him all his information.

-----One Week Later (In the U.S.)-------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat at my desk trying to focus on my astronomy textbook. "The first consequence of the assumptions of relativity is time dilation; moving clocks slow down as viewed by an observer at rest…" I read. Then looked at the clock 4:15. It certainly seemed like time was running slow this afternoon. With a resigned sigh I looked out the window. The spring afternoon was calm and still. Lush green trees swayed idly at the window and the lawn below was edged in blooming bushes. The neighborhood was quiet, too quiet.

The faint rumble of an engine reached her ears. It grew steadily louder, the only sound disturbing the peaceful afternoon. Finally, the mail truck pulled up at the curb. Looking for any distraction, I decided to go down stairs and cull through the mail as soon as it arrived. There might even be something good, a new magazine perhaps.

I tossed open the door to see a slightly surprised mailman. He was about to slide a small bundle of mail into the box by the door but handed it over to me instead. "You expecting something?" He asked unsure why anyone would be so interested in what appeared to be everyday junk mail.

I shook my head and smiled happily as I took the bundle inside. Settling down into a chair in the living room, I began to dissect the mail. I did not feel the weight or glossy texture of a magazine, darn. Still I could sort it for the family. Annoyingly colorful advertisements for local stores sat on top; I created a junk pile. "Junk, bill, bill, no idea, bill, advertising…huh?" Near the bottom was an odd bluish envelope with 'congratulations you're a winner' written on the front. I was about to toss it in junk when I noticed Japanese kanji characters on the back. Excited to try my Japanese I concentrated on the label. This letter was really from Japan. Karakura? "Never heard of that city."

I jumped up to get scissors from the kitchen. Carefully cutting open one end I slide out a single sheet of paper and a small yellow ticket came fluttering out with it. The ticket had my name on it but the handwriting was nothing like mine. I set it aside and unfolded the main letter. Luckily, I had my Japanese dictionary in hand but the letter was in English. I was a little disappointed but decided to read on anyway.

"Congratulations!! You are the winner of Urahara's Super Vacation Bonus Prize! Out of the many entrants your name was selected to enjoy a one day all expense paid vacation to the beautiful, exclusive city of seireitei in the soul society. You will be treated to a day of hob-nobbing with the social elite and one-on-one interactions with some of the gotei 13 captains. This is the chance of a lifetime available exclusively to the devoted clients of Urahara Shop. Thank you for your patronage and enjoy your vacation!"

"seireitei???" That word was not in the dictionary neither was "gotei"? Was this for real? What was Urahara shop? I had never heard of it, let alone been a customer. Maybe this was some kind of prank but it seemed pretty involved if this was sent all the way from Japan.

I looked at the bottom. There was a small shiny black rectangle that looked like a credit card. "claim your prize" was written above it with a small arrow pointing to the card. Did they just give me money for the vacation? In that case, maybe I will take them up on the offer. I could always use some new shoes.

Excited I flipped the card over to see if it had a magnetic strip and an amount. Instead I found neat printed instructions.

"Urahara's Portable Prize Redeeming Machine"

1. Inflate box

2. Insert ticket

3. Sit back and enjoy your visit to Seireitei

Inflate? I looked incredulously inside the envelope. There was nothing else there. I looked back at the card. "Is this what I am supposed to inflate??" I asked the air. It must be a prank but still I carefully studied the edges of the card, then I noticed it. One corner seemed a little blacker than the others. When I touched it I could barely make out a slight indentation. A hole?

I looked around to make sure no one could see me. If this didn't work I would feel like a real fool. I placed the card to my lips and gently blew, nothing. I blew a little harder. Was it just me or was the card a little fatter. This time I gave it a gusty blast of air and "pop" the card became a small black box.

"Oh my God! It worked!" Maybe I _should_ be a customer of this shop. If I had stuff like this my school bag would be super light and my friends would be insanely jealous. Why have I never heard of the Urahara shop? Then again it is probably super pricey for stuff this high tech.

Excitedly grabbing the yellow ticket, I inserted it into the box. As soon as the ticket disappeared the box began to hum then a small light appeared on one side. The light shot in a beam across the room. A sparkling line of white light glimmered mid air in the kitchen. Then it widened into a rectangular shoji screened door. I stared on amazed. Was it real? I reached out and touched the door. I could feel the smooth wood and slightly rough texture of the paper. It seemed real enough. I peaked around the other side. Nothing but normal kitchen. Did this door go somewhere? With some trepidation I placed my hand on the circular handles and pulled. The doors gently slid to the side revealing another set of round doors. Intrigued I stepped through to open the next set of doors.

As the doors slide open I was engulfed in a blinding white light and before I could stop to think I was tumbling through. Oh no, what is this Alice in Wonderland?

* * *

Woohoo! A new story is unraveling in my twisted mind.

I was doodling some what-if-I-spent-a-day-in-seireitei-hanging-out-with-my-favorite-characters sketches (I will try and post them on deviant art if you want to see them - _check my scrapbook for a few pictures ^_^_) when the story came to me. I may be the only one with an interest in it (seeing as it is centered around a character inspired by me). Still, I tried to make the OC unnamed and so far undescribed so anyone can imagine themselves in this position.

Anyone care to join me on an adventure in seireitei? Let me know and I'll put up more.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch 2: Welcome to Seireitei

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A soft blade of grass tickled my cheek. Opening my eyes and looking up the sky and saw cerulean blue dotted with a few puffy clouds. I slowly sat up and looked around. I was in a small clearing. Behind me was a huge gate; doors closed. Hmmm…so much for a rabbit hole.

"Hello!....Welcome!" A nervous voice proclaimed in stilted English. Looking to my left a figure came into focus. He was short and pale with a mop of dark hair that hung limply around his gaunt face. His wide gentle eyes were dark rimmed, as if in need of a good nap. "My…my namu is-u Hantarou desu." He shook his head "iie, iie..Hanataro. Not desu" He seemed to no longer be talking to me but to himself.

"Japanese is ok" I reassured the nervous looking fellow. There was no bunny hole but this guy was as skittish as a rabbit. A look of relief washed over his face when he heard me speak Japanese. "I see." He crept a bit closer. "You are the guest Urahara-san sent?" I nodded and stood up. "Of course, please come this way and we will get you ready for a day in seireitei."

Dressed in a black hakama and gi I looked like everyone else that I had seen around this strange city. "What is this place? Amish?" I asked Hanataro. He looked puzzled.

"Amish? I don't think so. Everyone inside Seireitei is a shinigami. Today you will be meeting the gotei 13, very high ranking shinigami." He explained patiently. He pulled a small paper out of his pouch and unfolded it. "Let's see…first on the list is…" He faltered and his mouth flopped open.

"well?" I prompted.

"Captain Kuchiki…." Hanataro whispered. Turning even paler than usual. He redirected our path down a wide paved street with a huge structure looming at the end.

Hanataro stop in front of an imposing manor gate. Swallowing hard he went up to the guard. He returned trembling "We may proceed". The gates swung open and the guards stood aside. At the manor, we were greeted by a servant. Hanataro never lost his nervous edge and it was beginning to rub off.

Who was this Kuchiki person? Was he that terrifying? I wondered as Hanataro talked to a servant.

"Okay, Captain Kuchiki is at home. Please follow Takeda-san, she will take you to him. I will meet you later." He smiled dolefully and scurried away. Great, so I am in this alone.

The manor had a grave hush about it. Even the servant's voices seemed muted and cool. The middle aged woman appraised her guest then gestured for me to follow. After what seemed a maze of hallways the woman opened a door leading to a huge room almost empty room.

It was a traditional Japanese room much like the rest of the manor. Tatami mats lined the floors, sliding shoji screen composed one wall with a few pulled pack to reveal a tranquil garden outside. The view was mesmerizing. A huge cherry tree was in bloom dominating the garden with its massive black trunk off-set by a cloud of chiffon pink petals. A sigh escaped my lips as I gazed at the tree.

"This way miss." The servant murmured bowing low and gesturing into the room. Looking toward the end of the room I noticed that I was not alone. At the far end sat a stiff looking man in black. Cautiously, I approached. He neither spoke nor looked up at me. He wore the usual black robes with a white haori on top, a pale blue-green scarf loosely drapped around his neck, and some weird metal hair barrettes. I noted there was a wide white paper laid out before him and a small ink stone with a brush on the floor near him. He sat seiza with his feet tucked beneath him, back perfectly straight. Emboldened by his silence, I stepped closer.

He was beautiful! His chiseled face was pale and deadly calm with smooth black eyebrows arching haughtily across his brow. A soft snake of ebony hair swept across his porcelain face before blending back into the black hair cascading around his shoulders. Unclosing his eyes, he looked up at me. Emotionless slate gray eyes met my enquiring gaze.

"Please, be seated." He stated. Was it an invitation or a command? I couldn't tell but didn't care. His deep baritone voice sent shivers up my spine and my eyes refused to leave his face. Unfortunately that made walking difficult and I nearly tripped walking to his side. Desperately trying to regain my composure I sat down beside the beautiful man and studied his face.

He closed his eyes and concentrated. He did not seem to want to talk but I was fine staring. Time dilated and seemed to almost stop. Then a bird chirped loudly out in the garden. Trance broken, a second sheet of paper came to my attention. Was he magic? Then I remembered the servants. Nope, just rich and powerful…*sigh*

Remembering that it was probably rude to stare in this world too, I grabbed a paint brush from a nearby ink pallet and started to write. First,just a doodle then a swirly and a smiley. The brush wrote pretty well. Next I tried my name in English then in katakana. Not bad at all. I drew a line under it then a heart beside it. The heart reminded me of the man sitting next to me. Looking over I saw his eyes on me and immediately my face grew warm.

Was it possible this paragon of beauty found me in some way attractive? My heart fluttered wildly and I nearly dropped the brush. Collecting my thoughts I stole another glance to the side. He was still looking at me. Well, less my face more my hand where I had a death grip on the calligraphy brush. I looked down at the ink stone. There was only one brush and it was in my hand.

Laughing nervously I handed the brush over to him. My fingers gently brushing his as I relinquished the writing implement. A tingle ran through my arm and sent my heart hammering. Appearing not to notice he took the brush.

Closing his eyes again, he seemed to focus. Taking a long, deep breath he opened his eyes and set the brush to the paper. He wrote in strong dark lines. Complex intertwining kanji danced across the paper. With a smooth steady movement he drew the final line to a slender point. I wanted to applaud the performance but kept silent. He set the brush down and seemed to relax the slightest bit.

"It's beautiful" I breathed, breaking the silence. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye but said nothing. The kanji were so stylized and complex I could not make them out but it didn't matter. They were beautiful. Strong black characters seemed to flow forming more a picture than a word. "Can I….have it?" I mustered up the courage to ask and to look into his perfect face.

"Yes." He said simply then he stood and arranged his robes. He turned to face me and bowed. "Have a nice day." He said stiffly. Jumping up I caused the ink stone to wobble sending midnight ink dangerously close to the expensive tatami flooring.

"Thank you very much" I replied bowing as low as I could. Heart still thrumming strongly in my chest. When I lifted her head he was gone. But the calligraphy piece was all mine. Smiling happily I went to inspect my prize. "If only I knew what it said."

Rolling it up gently I went out to find Hanataro with a spring in my step. I was beginning to like this Seireitei place.

* * *

A/N: So now we have run into the gorgeous but distant Byakuya Kuchiki. He was my second sketch (some of which are in my scrapbook on deviant art if you are interested). Next up Zaraki or Gin?


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: One known inconsistency in this chapter is the change in point of view. Now it is in first person, as in you see the story from the OC characters view point. Sorry, it was just too confusing to use 3rd person without the character having a name. I will probably go back and change the earlier chapters too. Thanks! Enjoy the silliness!

* * *

CH 3: Pink and Deadly

* * *

Hanataro was waiting outside the manor gates. He waved cheerily as I walked up to him scroll in hand. "You look happy." He said a bit surprised. No one usually looked so pleased leaving the Kuchiki manor. Not even the captain himself.

"Mm-hm, Captain Kuchiki is a lovely person!" I blushed slightly.

"I see." Hanataro turned back to his list. He traced his finger down the line and let out a groan.

"Now what?" I asked not sure if I should be excited or actually worried this time.

"This trip to seireitei, was this a prize or a punishment?" Hanataro inquired tucking his list back in his pack.

"I am pretty sure it was a prize. You don't usually hear congratulations! Here's your punishment." I reasoned.

"Well, you might where we're going. The next meeting is with Captain Kenpachi Zaraki of the 11th squad." Hanataro gulped. But dutifully turned down another street leading the way onward.

The 11th squad's buildings were in a bit of disarray. Men were loitering about the gates with their gi hanging open like members of the yakuza. They leered as we passed. Hanataro seemed to be shrinking down ever smaller as we walked.

I had to admit it was a bit intimidating. This kenpachi person must not be a noble. Maybe he is like a mob boss. I felt a twinge of fear but also a surge of excitement. Hanging out with a mob boss could be awesome. After much slinking around and running from offers to fight, we made it to what Hanataro said were the captain's offices.

The door was slightly ajar so Hantaro knocked on the frame. "Hello?" he called meekly. His voice was so small I was sure no one had heard him. He tried again. "Captain Kenpachi?" His voice quavered and squeaked as he called a little louder. Suddenly a rustling of movement could be heard on the other side. Hantaro slunk back away from the door with lightening speed.

The door slid open and instead of an Italian Mafioso an adorable little girl with cotton candy pink hair stood facing them. She cocked her head inquisitively sizing up first Hanataro then his companion. "What is the fourth division doing here? You are pretty brave knocking on Ken-chan's door." She chirped.

"Good afternoon, Vice Captain Kusajishi. Is Captain Kenpachi here? I have brought a guest of Urahara-san to meet him." Hanataro managed as a few sweat beads developed on his pale forehead.

"No, Ken-chan is almost never in the office. He is probably off taking a nap. I could go wake him but he is always in a bad mood when interrupted from his rest" The little girl smiled sweetly. "Shall I wake him for you?" She asked coming out the door, ready to scamper off on a moments notice,

Hanataro waved his hands around in a frenzy, as if trying to ward off a swarm of bees. "N-n-no…no, that will not be necessary." He stammered. "Would Vice-Captain Kusajishi be willing to escort Urahara-san's guest around the 11th squad?" He asked imploringly. The little girl gave him a side long glance.

"What's in it for me?" She folded her arms across her chest and stood facing us expectantly. Hanataro was at a loss for words. Sweat was trickling down his thin face.

"We could play a game." I offered. The vice-captain person looked like an elementary school kid. All kids like games right? Hanataro face-faulted from shock and was about to intervene when the vice-captain spoke first.

"Yea! A game!" She squealed and clapped her hands. "I love games but Ken-chan will never play with me." She grabbed her new playmate's hand and dashed through the door. Leaving a stunned Hanataro in our wake.

"Let's play tag."

Exhausting and terribly one sided was how I would describe the game. The girl may be small but she moved so fast you could not see her. She called it shunpo. I called it unfair. After giving up because I was too slow we decided to try another game, ping-pong.

I set up a table and was adjusting the net when Yachiru squealed and started bouncing around like crazy.

"Ken-chan is back"

At that moment a towering man with grizzly features, an eye patch, and wildly spiked hair appeared. His fearsome visage was at odds with the soft tinkling given off by tiny bells in his hair. He looked at Yachiru then at me. He grunted and walked on but Yachiru jumped in his path.

"Ken-chan we have a guest of Urahara's. She has come to play with us!"

I swallowed hard somehow I did not see this guy playing ping-pong with us. At first he said nothing. He looked at me and then at the table and then at Yachiru who was making a pleading face at him. Letting out a sigh, he started moving toward the table.

"Yeah, Ken-chan is going to play!" Yachiru bounced out to get more paddles. She returned with four more. Why four? I looked at the captain, he only appeared to have two arms.

"Ya-chan and moja moja are going to be on one team." She explained. Moja moja? Wait a minute, was that me? Okay so my hair is a bit curly and untamable but really call it a wild fluffy ball seemed a bit harsh. I swallowed my pride and smiled wanly.

"Ken-chan will be his own team. Tee hee hee," Yachiru giggled as she handed him the paddles. "But to make it fair his hair will play too." The little girl clambered up onto the captain's shoulders and started to strap the paddles to the spikes of his hair.

When she was finished the huge intimidating captain looked laughable. Holding two small paddles in his large scared hands and two paddles were jutting out like giant Christmas ornaments from his hair. I would laugh but I was afraid it might be a fast track to a painful death.

"Okay, let's begin. Ya-chan's serve." Yachiru playfully wacked the ball across the net. It bounced once then our opponent swung and hit the ball so hard it whizzed passed my fluff ball hair and disappeared into the trees. I expected Yachiru to complain but when I looked over she was gone. Suddenly the ball came whizzing back and Yachiru reappeared. "Play nice, Ken-chan!" Yachiru giggled.

The ball ricocheted off a hair paddle which slowed it down considerably. I reached out and gently ticked the ball across the net. Arm cocked back my spiky haired opponent smashed the ball into space but soon it came whizzing back. Neither Yachiru nor her captain ever reappeared. The only evidence of a game in play being the occasionally burst of wind indicating the ball was passing over the net.

I gave up and sat on the grass listening to the ball and Yachiru's squeals of happiness. The sun warmed by face and my eyelids started to droop. I was just starting to doze off when I heard a knock. Hanataro was standing at the door.

"Oh, where is vice-captain Kusajishi?" He asked timidly looking around.

"Playing ping-pong with Ken-chan" I replied lazily.

"Ken-chan?" Hanataro asked. Then his eyes got wide and he seemed to tremble. "You mean Captain Kenpachi Zaraki?!" He squeaked.

"Oh, is that his name?" I asked sitting up. Hanataro nodded and walked over towards me. I was about to warn him to stay back when a familiar whizzing sound could be heard. Hanataro looked up confused and got a face full of hyper-speed ping-pong ball. Thwak! The ball cracked against his forehead. Letting out a painful squeak he fell to the ground unconscious.

"Hanataro, Hanataro?" I ran over to him and shook his shoulders. "Are you okay?" he was obviously not. He was still breathing but not conscious, "Someone call for a doctor!" I yelled.

Just then Yachiru appeared. "Stupid Ken-chan missed the ball!" She did not seem to notice me. "Oh, there is the ball!" She yelped snatching it up. "Oh, but it is broken!" Finally she saw Hanataro laying on the grass. "Did Hana-chan want to play too!? Hmm, he did not do a very good job. Now he will have to get a new ball. He should have used a paddle, foreheading the ball is cheating."

Just then Captain Zaraki reappeared. His hair was a mess. The ping-pong paddles were not terribly aerodynamic and with his speed the paddles in his hair had bent the once perfect spikes into funny droopy angles.

Yachiru started to laugh. Captain Zaraki just shrugged and pulled out the paddles. "Ya-chan will fix your hair." Yachiru hopped up on the captain's shoulder like a little pet monkey and the two started to walk away.

"Hey! Wait!" I called desperately. "What about Hanataro?"

Yachiru looked back. "Oh, yeah, you need to go to the fourth division. I can't take you there but some one else can." The Captain turned a corner and both were gone from sight.

Great! Did I have to find someone all on my own? I looked around. The buildings seemed empty and all the people we had met coming up here had looked terrifying. In my opinion, this was the worst possible place to get injured. I carefully wrapped an arm around my injured guide and heaved his body up. He was pretty small and light but still a mess of flopping arms and legs. I slowly began dragging him across the lawn towards the building from which he had entered.

It was at lot further away then I remembered. Hanataro made walking difficult and the once warm sun was now unbearably hot. I felt sweat trickle down my back. Yuck! Some vacation this is! I paused a moment to catch my breath.

"Oh my, what an ugly sight" A voice commented from near by. I looked up and on the veranda stood a man…or it looked like a man but could have been a woman. Short black hair fell in a straight bob around delicate features accented with what looked like feathers. A high orange turtleneck like accessory sat atop the usual back attire.

I eyed him warily. He didn't look like much but people here were unusually strong heck, as far as I could tell they were not even human. I shifted Hanataro's weight against my back.

"Yuk, stop that. When you make that face you look like a constipated beaver." The man drawled still looking down on where I stood. A constipated beaver!? What the hell kind of look was that!? I was livid.

"You ought to know you pompous feathered freak!" I erupted and instantly regretted it. In that flash of movement Yachiru called shunpo, he was by my side with a blade at my throat. I was afraid to even swallow. He snorted derisively at my quavering form.

"Ugly and unskilled!" He sneered sheathing the blade. "I guess you really do need my help." He picked up Hanataro like he weighed nothing. My eyes widened. He was here to help?

"The vice-captain said a guest needed help. I assume that is you." He commented without looking back. Then he started walking toward the door. Regaining movement in my body I slowly trudged after him.

"Y-yes." I mumbled. I felt like an idiot. Insulting the person sent to help me and being too weak to back up my insults. Maybe it was time to go home. Well, I would at least make sure that Hanataro was ok before I left. For that matter, Hanataro was probably the only one who could tell me how to get home. We walked through a maze of buildings and alleys and finally ended up at a large white building with the number four written on the side.

The feathered man handed Hanataro to one of the people in the building then turned to leave.

"Thank you." I called meakly. He did not even look back. "Anything to not have to see that face again, beaver." Flicking his hair dramatically he disappeared. "vain peacock!" A whispered under my breath then ran inside as fast as I could, just in case he somehow heard.

* * *

Woohoo! (*≧▽≦) One more chapter complete. I had a dream about Kenpachi playing ping-pong with his hair and this chapter was born. I hope you found it as entertaining as I did. I was told I was laughing in my sleep.

Next up a short detour to the fourth division then on to the creepy captain of the third division. _nande ya nen!_ = kansai (Southern Japanese) version of "what the hell?!" （￣ー￣）ニヤリ


	4. Chapter 4

Ch 4: With A Cheshire Smile

* * *

I finally took a moment to look at my surroundings. Clean white buildings, no mafia types lounging in the doorways gambling. I guess I had moved up-town. Inside the building was a clean antiseptic smell. Better than tobacco and sweat I decided as I moved quietly down the hall.

A door near by opened and a very tall woman with white hair hurried out. She stopped short when she saw me. "You must be Urahara-san's guest!" She said warmly shaking my hand. "Hanatarou-kun is just in this room here. You were so kind to bring him back to us. He will be just fine, after all we are the best healers in all seireitei!" She beamed proudly.

I nodded a little stunned. Just then another woman in a white robe came up to us.

"Isane-san, our guest is probably tired. Please take her to the waiting room. I have had tea prepared for you." I smiled greatfully. Tea and a chair sounded lovely. Maybe I did not need to hurry home, there were some normal people here.

Isane lead the way to a small neat waiting room with Japanese cushions on the floor and a tray of steaming tea on a low table. "Please have a seat." Isane smiled as she reached for the tea pot and poured us each a glass.

"I guess I should have introduced myself first. My name is Kotetsu Isane. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too." I responded before taking another sip. "This place is so calm, I guess not all groups are like number 11?" I added looking around at the pristine walls and neatly arranged cushions.

Isane nearly spit out her tea. She swallowed quickly and let out a choked laugh. "Yes, well squad number 11 is…is a bit unique." She finished.

"Yes, I don't think it was a very good idea to have gone there first." A gentle voice added from nearby. I nearly jumped out of my skin as the woman in white had returned so silently I did not even notice her. Isane looked a bit shocked too.

"Oh, Captain Unohana…would you like some tea?" Isane asked moving quickly to get a cup.

"Yes, thank you." This Unohana person must be important so I remained silent. She looked harmless but I knew the captain title meant these people were not to be messed with. Her face was so serene and her eyes so gentle she didn't look like she could hurt a fly. Her hair was styled somewhat oddly with a long braid forming below her chin, almost like a beard but I tried not to stare. She smiled reassuringly. "My name is Unohana Retsu. Welcome to squad 4. Any friend of Urahara's is welcome here." She took her tea from Isane and sat beside me.

As we drank our tea, she explained that there were 13 squads in total each operating mostly independent of the others and specializing in different areas. 4 was the healers and 11 was the fighters. I also learned that my feathered escort was a seated memeber of squad 11 named Yumichika and I was not the only one to find him unique. Just as she finished explaining the ranking system, a small girl came in to announce that Hanatarou was fully recovered. She handed Unohana a slip of paper and quickly bowed and left.

Unohana stared at the paper a moment then looked up smiling. "You are in luck the next squad you are visiting is quite close." I waited expectantly. "The third squad." For the second time that afternoon Isane nearly sprayed tea all over the neat floors. Unohana's smile however never weavered.

"What does squad 3 specialize in?" I asked tentatively.

"You will see." Captain Unohana said knowingly ,then she stood up to leave. "It was nice to meet you. Enjoy your visit."

"Thanks" I managed quickly standing to bow as she left. I was again a bit apprehensive. Was 3 more like 4 or 11? Well, if the proximity was any gauge then maybe they were more like 4. I could only hope.

Hanatarou was standing in the hall when Isane and I exited.

"Are you all right?" I asked hurrying over and staring at his forehead for any sign of damage.

"Yes, good as new." He smiled wanely. I snickered apparently new for him was not as good as it was for everyone else. Hanatarou popped a pill he said was to give him energy but I did not really notice a change, his eyes were still half lidded and it seemed like he needed a 2 day nap.

* * *

Just as Unohana said squad 3 was much closer and from the outside looked promising. Orderly yards and neat white buildings. maybe they were grounds keepers or something. Hanatarou lead us to a smallish building he said were the captain's offices. I don't know how he knew, they all looked the same to me. He took a deep breath and knocked….silence.

It appeared captain's were not too fond of their offices. Hanatarou tried again calling out in a thin voice, "Captain Ichimaru?" Still no response. Wringing his hands he looked around. "Um..Please wait here. I will go look for Captain Ichimaru…" Hanatarou looked torn he didn't want to leave but obviously was unsure how to proceed. Poor guy.

"Ok. Don't worry. I will just wait here and enjoy gardens while you look for the captain. The weather is lovely…" I continued choosing a sunny seat near the offices. Hanatarou nodded.

"Yes, ok, I will be right back. Please wait for me here." He bowed and rushed back down the hall.

The garden was very pretty and the sun was still high in the sky and felt deliciously warm on my face. I stood up and stretched. I had just been sitting talking with Captain Unohana and Isane, a walk sounded lovely. As long as I stayed near the offices Hanatarou could easily find me. Popping my neck, I walked out into the gardens. They were sparse and Japanese style but pretty in a harsh way. In one corner there was a small fountain where birds were cheerily washing their feathers. I strolled over and knelt down to watch as they splashed and played. Such happy animals, I couldn't help but smile.

"whatcha looking at?" A voice drawled just beside my ear. I squeaked and leapt about 4 feet into the air. Startled, the birds added to the commotion and flew up in a flurry of wings and feathers. I backed away only to run up against someone. Slowly, I turned to see a silvered haired man smiling like a Cheshire cat down at me.

"Did I scare ya?" He asked with that same narrow grin spread from ear to ear. I gave a non-commital nod. Obviously yes, but it seemed rude to say so and something about this guy told me he was not at all like Captain Unohana but he did have the same white captain's robe. His smile was almost hypnotic and finally looking away, I realized that I was still practically standing on top of him. I scurried back and bowed awkwardly. "I am very sorry, sir…" I began.

"No need to be so formal" he broke in still smiling. "You can call me Gin. Pleasure to meet ya" I bowed again.

"Pleasure to meet you too…Gin" I said stiffly looking around for Hanatarou. "I came here with Hanatarou, have you seen him?" I asked cautiously.

"Of course." Gin answered stepping out into the sun. "You are here because of former Captain Urahara…" He did seem to know about me but it was strange Hanatarou had not returned with him. I shrugged and followed Gin as he walked out of the garden.

He lead me around the buildings on a short tour. We went to training grounds, offices, and barracks. He never lost his Cheshire smile and answered all of my questions in his slightly mocking drawl. Back at the offices he unlocked the door and let me in.

"I heard that you got a gift from Kukichi" He said rummaging in a large desk. I nodded thinking back to this morning and the handsome noble and his lovely calligraphy. A small blush crept along my cheeks.

Gin chuckled darkly. "You like Captain Kuchiki?" I started to mumble something about how polite he was but Gin cut me off. "No offense but he is probably too good for you…being a high ranking noble and all." I felt my heart sink. I mean I knew he was noble and all but did he have to be so blunt?

"Aww..don't let it get you down. I got ya something." Gin walked back toward me and extended his hand. Resting on his palm was a small red box with a silver bow. "Don't want to let the Kuchiki's out do me" He explained widening his grin. Gingerly I accepted the package.

"Thank you" I replied staring at the gift. It was light and rattled slightly when I moved it.

"Well. If you have time there are a lot of great places to explore in seireitei." Gin placed a large palm on my back and steered me to the door. "You can open the present later." We walked out the door and headed toward the exit to the third squad buildings. "Since your guide isn't back yet how about I introduce you to some really interesting people that are old friends of Urahara's. I am sure it is on your list."

"Alright" I answered still wondering why Hanatarou was not yet back. I looked around but still no Hanatarou. Gin was just opening the doors when I heard a familiar voice call out to me. It was Hanatarou.

"Wait! Where are you going?" He called running over to us.

"To meet some old friends." Gin explained turning his smile on Hanatarou.

"Captain Ichimaru!" Hanatarou gasped bowing low. "I have been looking for you" He said breathlessly.

"Have ya? Well I have been with your friend all along. Why don't you get some rest. I'll bring her back soon." He volunteered. He held the door opened and pushed me out.

"Where are you taking her?" Hanatarou asked looking a bit panicked.

"To see Urahara's old friends in the second squad…" Gin said waving vaguely down the street. Hanatarou looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"Urahara's friends in the second squad..." Hanatarou repeated confused. "But Yoruichi-san is not there any more…" His face twisted unattractively. "Captain Ichimaru, I don't believe Urahara-san has friends in the second squad anymore."

"Sure he does." Gin glossed. "Lots of them!" Then Hanatarou's face lost all color. He looked even sicklier than after the ping pong incident, if that was possible.

"You don't mean…" Hanatarou trailed off flinching slightly.

"Don't mean what?" Gin prodded stopping to look at the jittery Hanatarou.

"You can't mean….the m..maggot's nest?" Hanatarou finished in a whisper. I wrinkled my nose. Maggots? Gross, I hated creepy bugs. Gin just smiled on and nodded.

"who else would I mean?" He chirped and turning he ushered me on but Hanatarou was hot on his heels.

"But Captain Ichimaru, that is not on the list. I…um…don't think we have time…" Hanatarou said desperately. Much to my relief Gin stopped and turned to Hanatarou.

"No time ya say? That's too bad" He twisted his face into an apologetic grin and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe next time then." He waved his hand dismissively and turned on his heel heading back to the third division buildings. I bowed and called out a thank you.

"I am glad we didn't have to go there. It sounds like a nasty place, that maggot's nest…" I commented. Hanatarou justed nodded mutely still pale and jittery. "but hey, I got another gift!" I said trying to lighten the mood. I pulled out the small red box and gently untied the ribbon. Lifting the lid, I saw what looked like a cheerful bunny pez dispenser nestled in pink tissue paper. "Awww…how cute." Pulling it out, I saw my initial intuition was correct or at least close. "soul candy" I read on the column of the dispenser. "So is that like a seireitei version of pez?" I asked Hanatarou. His head whipped up and instead of a smile he looked even more nervous.

"Did you say soul candy?" He chattered.

"Yup, says so here on the side." I pointed to the multicolored lettering. "What? Does it taste bad?" I asked curious as to why he was acting so odd.

"Umm…no but it is not really candy. Shinigami use it to shift into spirit form but if a human took it well…" He trailed off ominously. I looked at the smiling bunny face. Spirit form? "Wait, like dead ghost spirit, spirit form?" Hanatarou nodded solemnly and took the gift.

"It is popular among the female shinigami but you are just a human so…" Hanatarou emptied the small green capsules into his pocket and gave the bunny back.

"Yeah, I'll just keep the container." I agreed and with trembling hands I set the bunny back in the box.

"Where to next?" I asked trying to push that fox like grin out of my mind.

* * *

A/N: Hehe...anyone still reading this? It has been a while. Sorry. I have been planning the Gin meeting forever. Is he being hospitable or homicidal? Probably the latter but I still love him. A sketch I drew of him offering me the gift was what started this whole fic. Check it out on deviant art under koharu-pyon's sketchbook and let me know what you think...about the story and the art too if you want.


	5. Chapter 5

CH 5: Ninja Fun House

* * *

Hanatarou warily pulled out his list and looked down it with a sigh.

"well, the second squad is on the list and since we are headed that way…" He looked up at the road ahead and tucked the paper in his robes.

"So, is there a bug infestation in this squad? Because if there is, I would be okay skipping it." I added smiling helpfully.

"what? Bugs?" Hanatarou asked quizzically. His droopy blue eyes perplexed.

Geez, Hanatarou was sweet and all but a little dense it seemed. "You know, what Gin said…about a nest of maggots?" I explained.

"Oh, that" Hanatarou said eyes falling back to usual droop. "That is a nick name for the maximum security prison housing all of seireitei's most dangerous criminals."

Face fault! "a prison!" I squeaked. An image of the silver haired captains taught smiling face floated into my minds eye. That jerk was trying to get me killed, and all for his amusement. "grrr, When I die and become a shinigami I am so gonna kick his ass!" I shouted.

Hanatarou jumped slightly at my sudden outburst. "huh, err….when you become a shinigami?"

"Damn straight! I am going to come back and teach that silver haired fox a lesson. Just you wait!" I continued thrusting my fist into the air. Hanatarou just giggled. "what is so damn funny?" I asked looking at him still flush with angry energy.

"Nothing, nothing" Hanatarou soothed as he attempted to hide his mirth. "I hope you do become a shinigami. It would be most amusing if you could best Ichimaru-taichou. He is something of a prodigy himself…"

A prodigy? My confidence waivered slightly but I just crossed my arms and huffed. I might be a prodigy too! In fact, maybe I did want a piece of that soul candy.

"So what kind of squad is squad 2?" I asked trying to calm down.

"Squad 2 is a special squad. The captain is also leader of the onmitsukido." Hantarou said matter-of-factly.

"on-miss-ki-what?" I asked thoroughly confused.

"Hmmm" Hanatarou paused and cocked his head to the side thoughtfully. "They are like, energy wielding ninjas" He finally said hesitantly.

"ninjas!!!" I quipped with glee, jumping into the air! I grabbed a startled Hanatarou's hand and started to run down the street. I could feel Hanatarou stumbling behind me but I didn't slow down until I reached the formidable wall with the number 2 written in bold black beside two colossal wooden doors.

Hanatarou knocked gingerly. The timid sound echoed eerily on the other side. A heavy silence fell, in the quiet we both waited. One second, two seconds, three seconds passed and nothing. Then with a groaning heave, slowly the doors parted to reveal…no one. Ahead of us was a long path through a thick dark forest. In the distance a palatial looking building atop a hill. A bit of a let down I must admit, where were the ninjas?

"So I guess we just go straight?"I asked looking over at Hanatarou. He gave a non-committal shrug and we started down the path. A few feet down the path and suddenly everything was thrown into shadow. Looking back the doors had closed. Still not a soul in sight and it was similar to a deep twilight in the thickly wooded path.

As we walked, I noticed it was oddly quiet for a forest. No birds singing, no gentle rustle of leaves. It was almost like looking at a very realistic painting of a forest. The more I thought about it the more unsure I became. Was this really a forest or some elaborate ninja illusion? I slowly began to veer to one side of the path, my eyes intent on a fern that had reached one bright green tendril out toward the path. Was it real? Was it fake?

I was about to find out. My finger tips reached out when ting!

"yeow!" I sqeaked holding my finger. Hanatarou snapped out of a daze and hurried over to me.

"What happened?" He asked with concern.

"I dunno!" I whimpered. "I just wanted to touch this fern…" I looked down and the tendril of fern was no longer reaching out so invitingly. Instead, it lay on the ground, the stem cut clean through.

"What the…?" I unlocked the death grip on my finger to look at the throbbing digit A small sphere of blood blossomed from an almost invisible cut at the tip. I was sitting there thinking it over when Hanatarou calmly unsheathed a thin sword and pointed it toward me.

"Here, allow me." He said as if about to give me a cold compress not a blade of death. I wrapped a protective hand around my finger and quickly leaped away from my obviously deranged guide. It is always the quiet ones you have to worry about, I reminded myself.

"Look Hanatarou, it is a pretty small injury. I think amputation is going a bit over board. So let's just put that sword away now, huh?" I said keeping a safe distance out of slashing range.

"amputation?" he ask "No, I am going to use my zanpakuto to heal you." He said matter-of-factly. His eyes still held the same unassuming tired look I had seen earlier but that sword was very real and sharp looking.

"I know you doctors think you should just carve out what you cannot fix. But I assure you I am very attached to this finger tip and I am positive it would heal if you would just get me a band-aid." I explained slowly and in a calm voice so as not to agitate the disturbed man before me.

Hanatarou sighed and sheathed his sword. "It is a healing sword!" he explained looking a little hurt. "but if you don't trust my zanpakuto, I can just use a healing spell." He said reaching out a now empty hand.

Slightly more assured now that the blade was gone I moved a little closer. "Just a spell right?" I confirmed warily. "I get to keep my finger intact?"

"Yes, of course" Hanatarou said. He chanted a few words and suddenly a green glow formed around his hands. He cupped my injured finger between his palms and mumbled some more words I could not catch. I felt a warm tingle in my finger and when he moved his hands away, the cut was gone and my finger felt fine. I touched it just to be sure.

Yup, still my finger.

"Ummm…thanks." I said a bit awkwardly. Hanatarou just smiled as usual and nodded.

"Shall we get going. I also advise you not to touch anything. It appears the second squad does not like people messing with their forest."

"Yeah? Well maybe they should have someone to greet us and gives us all the rules instead of just throwing ninja weapons without warning!" I vented at the trees around us. An angry silence was my only reply. Toss a lock of hair contemptuously over my shoulder, I followed Haantarou's slightly slumped form down the path.

The stairs to the palace were torture, and we arrived heaving and out of breathe at the front gates of the building. I leaned a hand against the door to catch my breath and ended up catching a face full of pavement. The solid looking door swung right open and I landed flat on my face. Hanatarou hurried over to help me up.

"Ow.." I moaned now out of breath and scuffed up from eating pavement.

"You need to be more careful" Hanatarou admonished softly using the healing green glow to mend my scrapped elbow. We stood up and walked toward the main open courtyard. We had not taken more than 5 steps before Hanaraou yelped and fell to the ground holding his nose. So much for the lecture; I walked over and reached out to help him when my hand brushed something solid. A pillar at first it blended in perfectly to the surroundings.

"What the hell…!?!" I grumbled slapping the pillar with my hands. "Who puts a huge pillar right in the middle of the pathway and then paints it to make it practically invisble?" I raged. Hanatarou stood up smiling sheepishly.

"There are ninja, after all." He dusted off his black robes and adjusted his pack. "Shall we continue?" he asked waiting patiently while I fumed. Taking a careful step around the pillar we moved forward.

A trick ninja house, huh? So there were those kind of ninja…sneaky little devils. I would just have to treat this like an episode of Indiana Jones. Taking a deep calming breath I narrowed my eyes and scanned the area around me looking for any more tricks. Slightly protruding stones, leaf covered pits, or holes from which spears or snakes might come flying. I saw none of the above. We walked a few feet more and were finally in the center of the corridor. Hanatarou stopped and looked around. "This way, I think…" He pointed to our left.

"You think?" I asked "Why don't you know?"

Hanatarou chuckled nervously. They are always changing the wall arrangement. It is difficult to find their offices.

"Paranoid much…" I said taking the lead. I stomped ahead toward an open doorway. A slight creaking caused me to pause and take heed, but it was too late. A huge cage slammed down around me. "kyaa!" I squealed as the crushing force caused the floor below me to shake violently. I stood perfectly still and white with terror.

"Are you injured!" Hanatarou called stumbling over. "Oh thank goodness!" He sighed with relief upon seeing me uninjured inside the cage.

"You should never walk straight into a ninja house." Hanatarou continued sagely. "Always approach in a zig-zag fashion," He recited. "I am sure that is how this was designed," He finished more to himself walking in a weird snake like weaving pattern.

Having regained blood flow to my brain and limbs I walked to the bars of my cage.

"You couldn't have mentioned that earlier…?" I grumbled.

"You just reminded me" Hanatarou replied still concentrating on his snake walk. I sighed and wrapped my hands around the bars. Hanatarou finally made it to the bars he shook them with his feeble thin white hands. He made a small yellow energy ball and it was quickly absorbed into the metal. "Kido-proof" He said as if that should make sense. I just stared dumbly.

"I can't get you out." He said moving away and around the cage toward the door. "I will come back for you with someone who can help." He waved walking on toward the waiting door.

"No, wait…You can't just leave me!" I called a bit desperately. I ran to the other side of the cage and reached out for the bars when déjà vu, the bars passed through my hands and I felt myself falling forward. I stumbled a few steps catching myself on a waiting support pillar. My hands had barely made contact to stabilize my careening body then I felt a stone in the pillar give way and sink into a depression with a worrying click. I whipped around, body on full alert. A deep grumbling sound from near by sent my nerves on high alert. Suddenly an object hit me hard knocking me to the ground just inside the doorway. A huge pile of rubble crashed down obscuring the doorway I had just been standing in front of. A cloud of dust enveloped me and I felt something heavy hindering my movements. Coughing up a storm I waited for the dust to settle. Everything around me was covered in a fine film of grey. Shaking my head a new cloud erupted then settled around me. I tried to sit up but was unable to get up. Looking down I saw a familiar mop of hair.

"Hanatarou?" I asked poking the grey head resting on my abdomen. A non-intelligible groan was my reward. "Are you injured?" I asked getting worried. I had no idea how to do that healing light thing.

Cough, cough! "five more minutes…" Hanatarou mumbled snuggling his face into my robes.

What the hell! I am not a pillow or yout mother. I gave the sleepy head a hearty thwack on the shoulder. His eyes shot open and Hanatarou pulled himself up onto all fours relieving the weight on my lower body. "ouch…er…are you alright?" He asked. I nodded and wiped some dust from my face and nearly elbowed Hanatarou in the face.

"Sorry!" I said and suddenly it dawned on us both how awkward this positioning was. Hanatarou rolled off to one side and we both lay a moment catching our breath.

"Thanks, you saved me." I said still gasping a bit for air.

"No problem." Hanatarou panted. "Just part of my job as a shinigami." We crawled to our feet and dusted off out now grey robes. Cascades of debris and dust floated to the floor. Moderately cleaned we moved forward.

"At least we were going the right way." Hanatarou offered was we walked down a wide corridor. Way to look on the bright side. I grimaced

"Thank goodness, I don't want to go through that again." I voiced giving my shirt another swat for good measure.

Up ahead an ornate set of doors glowed warmly in the afternoon sun. We took another turn at dusting off our robes and knocked.

"Come in!" Boomed a loud male voice. With effort Hanatarou pushed the doors opened to reveal and equally opulent sitting room and a man the size of a small mountain lounging in a chair holding an enormous bag of rice crackers. His budging neck and pudgy hands were bedecked in gold jewelry and his thick protruding lips were adorned with crumbs. I would not be surprised if he were a relative of Jabba the Hut. He smiled at us as we entered, obviously amused by our bedraggled appearance. It was a short lived expression as he stuffed another cracker into his gaping mouth.

"Good Afternoon Omaida-fukutaicho" Hanatarou began meekly giving a low bow. The mountainous man grinned and swallowed in reply.

"Did ya have some trouble getting in here?" He drawled with a malicious grin. You should really make an appointment before just barging in like a herd of elephants." He said digging for another cracker.

Hmph, who was he to call us a herd of elephants? If he wasn't so lacking in hair I might have called him a wooly mammoth. He must have noticed my smirk because he gave me an evil leer before turning back to Hanatarou.

"Who is this no-talent girl you have brought with you?" He asked obviously pleased with his wit. "She doesn't have a shred of reiatsu. You should send her back to the slums of rukongai where she belongs." He laughed and crumbs scattered out of the creases in his shirt like escaping mice.

I grimaced. I didn't know what rukongai or reiatsu were but I was sure as hell no part of any slum. This mannerless pig would be better off there! I seethed to myself. Hanatarou cleared his throat quietly. "She is a human guest of Urahara and I am giving her a tour of Seireitei at his request." Hanatarou explained politely.

"Urahara? Why should we take his guests. Last time he sent that annoying ryoka boy…" Crunch he sunk his teeth into another cracker. "We're too busy here to entertain former captain's guests." He said mouth full while waving a hand for us to leave.

"Is Soi-fon Taicho here at the moment?" Hanatarou managed to ask.

"Taicho is too busy to see you all. Besides she is in the real world stalking…erm…monitoring the movements of Yoruichi." He explained stumbling over his words.

"I see. In that case, we will be going." I piped up and tugged firmly on Hanatarou's robe. "I have no need to talk to manner-less inferiors of Soi-fon taicho. I am a busy person as well." Turning on my heel I marched out the door as the sound of angry sputters erupted behind me.

"Wait one minute, you insolent little…" I tugged Hanatarou out the door then turned and flashing a smile I hoped resembled the silver fox slammed the door behind me.

I did not want to see some fat stupid ninja reject anyway. "So who's next?" I asked a dazed Hanatarou.

* * *

A/N: A whole lotta Hantarou love! He is so cute and under represented. So who shall we visit next? Mayuri in the 12th division, Hitsugaya in the 10th, or Kyoraku in the 8th, or Aizen in the 5th? I already decided that Soutaichou is probably too important to be bothered, Tousen and Komamura are kinda meh so we won't bother, and Ukitake is gonna be last. So make a selection and if enough people agree with you, your wish will come true. How is that for fan service? Ohohoho...(that of course assumes one has fans) ^_^;


	6. Chapter 6

CH 6: Experimentation

* * *

Safely out of the division two grounds Hanatarou paused to again look at his rather crumpled list. Let's see there are four divisions left to visit: twelve, eleven, ten, and eight.

I stood and thought, even though there was not much to ponder over. None of these numbers meant anything to me. "Which one is the most interesting?" I asked.

Hanatarou stared at the list for a moment, as if it held the answer. "Most interesting…? The twelfth squad does research and development, I guess that makes it interesting. Squad ten is also headed by a prodigy. One of the youngest in the history of seireitei." He scratched his head.

I had already had an experience with one prodigy did I really want another? R&D sounded science-y, that could be interesting. "Let's go for number 12!" I decided.

Hanatarou stared at me and then shrugging tucked the list back into his robe and lead the way forward.

Squad thirteen definitely earned the title interesting! The buildings were like something from a futuristic sci-fi movie. Weird rounded domes and tall painful looking spires. Steam and other odd fumes billowed out of thin smoke stacks and thick masses of cabling snaked like metallic rivers between the buildings. It was hard to believe this was even still the same place I had been all day.

People moved about in typical black dress but a few wore white lab coats over the top. They were all intent on their work and no one even spared us a "hi, how are you?". Science types took life so seriously.

Hanatarou lead us carefully through the maze of pipes and domes to a small building that seemed to be the source or possibly destination for the cabling. A small metal door lead into a small cramped waiting room. Dim lights and sterile metal chairs. It was like a dentists office from a horror film. The room seemed empty but Hanatarou walked over to a small box on one wall and pressed an intercom button.

"Hello, this is Hanatarou from Squad number four. I am here to meet with Kurotsuchi Taicho. I am escorting a guest of Urahara's…" His voice died off uncertainly and he slowly released the button.

"Good Afternoon, fifth seat Yamamoto Hanatarou." A crisp female voice answered. "Please wait where you are. Someone will be there shortly." Click the speakers went dead and we were left in the gloom of the small metallic waiting room. I was starting to get a bad feeling about this.

Sitting in the room with no windows or clocks time seemed to stretch out and stop. How long had it been? 5 minutes or 50? I honest could not tell. My butt was getting numb from sitting on the hard chairs and I shifted the weight to the other cheek to relieve some of the strain.

Click! An almost invisible door opened from the side of the room by the intercom. A stiff looking woman in a mini-skirt version of a black kimono greeted us. Her hair was pulled back in an efficient braid with two tendrils hanging like spikes by her impassive face. She looked like the owner of the crisp detached voice we had heard earlier.

"Right this way." She said gesturing behind her to the darkness beyond the door. Reluctantly we stood up and followed her into a dark hall. "Mayuri-sama will see you now."

Sama? Who was this person? Hanatarou was silent as he followed meekly. The girl was stunning if you ignored the fact that she was so curt and cold. She was like a shinning a blade; a scalpel, perfect curves but sharp and painful. I decided to pay attention to my surroundings incase I had to make a quick get away. Unfortunately it all looked like the same dull white metal with conduits rimming the ceiling.

Soon we were escorted into a room full of huge thrumming computer monitors. The walls were covered in cables running every which way into and from the monitors. A huge chair was positioned at the center of all the high tech gadgetry. The high back faced away from us. It was very James Bond villain. I was half scared half excited to see who turned around. But I was pretty sure whatever they looked like they were going to be stroking a white cat and leering evilly.

The chair slowly swiveled round.

"Holy Sphynix!" I mouthed. It was like an Egyptian sarcophagus come to life, and it was grinning…evilly. Huge blue head ornaments protruded in a mane like fashion from a golden frame that formed two pyramids by the ears and a beard at the bottom. His? Was it a him? I did not really know. The face was painted white and black . Almost like a mask with thin lips and large, blunt, closely packed teeth, rather nutcracker like. In other words, a total freak show! I sure knew how to pick 'em.

Sinewy pale hands were ornamented with a single long black nail. It looked like a strange menacing tool protruding from his finger. I shivered a little just looking at them. His golden eye were equally creepy. I was torn between a desire to poke him and run away screaming.

"Nemu!" His voice was a thin and high with a gravely edge. "What did I tell you about disturbing my work…" He turned his golden leer onto the scalpel girl. She bowed quickly.

"My apologies Mayuri-sama. They are guests of Urahara, who had an appointment with you." She stood back up her face still a cool expressionless mask. I leaned over to Hanatarou and whispered in his ear.

"Is this captain male or female?" Hanatarou quivered but did not answer. His eyes looked panicked as he sat staring ahead. I looked back at our irritated host and he was straing back. Oops. His face twisted into an unreadable smile.

"You are a friend of Urahara?" He said looking me over with renewed interest. "I don't see what he finds interesting about you. You are just a normal human. I have finished all the testing I need of your kind." He waved his long black nail in a bored manner as if to dismiss me.

I sat silently trying to figure out what it was he was so busy working on. The screens behind him were aglow with odd characters and human-ish schematics. Was he building people? Monsters? Was he a creation himself? Wait did he just say experiments with my kind…?" My eyes snapped back on the clown like personage before me.

His golden eyes were back on me.

"Unless of course you are some kind of special human. Latent powers that are yet to be released? Perhaps like that Ryoka boy you are just in need of a zanpakutp thrust to the heart?" His eyes were glowing with a dreadful excitement. He turned to his stoic assistant.

"Nemu! Is there a room open for this afternoon?" He snapped. Taking out a small notebook and thumbing through it, Nemu replied "Room 6 is available after the hollow trials." The captain chuckled darkly and drummed his long thin fingers on the arms of his chair, menacingly.

"Good, we have room for you. We need to establish a baseline comparison before we begin testing." He was already planning an experiment, on me?

"Whoa, whoa..wait one minute here. With all due respect sir, I'm not so sure I am up for this." I interjected waving my hands in front of me as if that would ward them off.

"Oh, don't you want to help with our research?" He said in a creepily pleading voice. "I promise it won't hurt…too much…" He smiled a terrible grin. "I'll be gentle and leave you mostly intact. Plus maybe I can even answer some of your questions.." He said with a knowing smirk.

I felt all the blood in my face seep away. Had he heard my question to Hanatarou and what was that about "mostly intact…" I muttered. I was probably as white as he was. His assistant was already taking my measurements before I had the strength to reply.

"I am not at all special, no latent powers, promise." I said trying to look as bland and uninteresting as possible. "Honest, this was just a gift from Urahara. No need to test me. I am unequivocally dull and boring."

"Yes, Mayuri-sama even from this close I sense absolutely no reiatsu at all." Nemu commented coldly still holding the measuring tape in mid-air.

"What?" He sneered. "Are you a dunce Nemu? Allow me" He rose to a terrifying height and walked over with quick efficient steps. His icy hand clamped around my wrist and with a swift tug I was dangling in the air before him. His golden eyes were so close and leering menacingly. He pulled me closer to his strange face. I closed my eyes tight willing it to go away. He turned me in the air a few times and sniffed. I refused to look. Then I was dropped to the ground without so much as a warning. "Perhaps she is a dud!" He quipped return to his chair. I rubbed by ankle as I climbed back into the chair by Hanatarou.

"We could still perform some test to be sure. My zanpakuto has been so bored with nothing to pierce." He remarked head lolling to one side on his hand. I grimaced, I was not about to be a random test guinea pig.

"Really, I don't have time right now." He said flicking his wrist dismissively. "If your are interested come back later." He looked over at Nemu "I am too busy for this right now!" His voice was again high and whiney. "Take them away and if the girl comes back put her with the other test subjects…" He whirled back around in his chair and started typing furiously. Hanatarou and I were both more than happy to leave.

I would never be coming back. Test subject my rear end.

* * *

A/N: So the winning-est captain with a total of one vote was….Mayuri! How was that for service? Next day even! (Don't expect this in the future, it was a random possibly once-in-a-lifetime occurrence).

Anyway time to make a choice: choose-your-own-adventure style! Who do you want to see next: Hitsugaya, Kyoraku, or other (I am open to suggestions).


	7. Chapter 7

CH 7: Afternoon Sake

* * *

We arrived at the captain's office and heard peels of raucous laughter from the other side of the door. Apparently this division knows how to party. I smiled hopefully. Maybe division ten was going to be my kind of division.

I didn't wait for Hanatarou, I knocked briskly on the door. I heard a shushing sound and the laughter burbled to a stop. A few whispers and then a silky female voice called out "come in". Intrigued by the sounds, I slid open the doors.

Va Va Voom! Barely contained by her regulation spec shinigami robes sat a super curvaceous red head and an equally attractive male companion partially out of his top. I took a moment to pick my jaw up off the floor.

"Welcome!" The curvaceous woman smiled. "You all look like you need a drink!" She trust out a large bottle of alcohol and sloshed it about. Then frowned. "Looks like this one is almost empty." Her frown quickly disappeared as she looked at her companion. "Hisagi-san be a dear and grab the other bottle from under my desk."

The well-built male stood and unsteadily walked to a large desk at the side of the room. A new bottle appeared and drinks were poured for all.

"kanpai!" the red head sang as she downed her cup in one gulp.

"Is it okay for them to be drinking.?" Hisagi asked giving Hanatarou and I a skeptical look.

"You!" Our busty host called out, "less talk and more stripping." She used her free hand to tug on the sleeve Hisagi still had on and it slipped down to his elbow exposing more of his tan well-muscled chest. I felt my cheeks burning and I had not even taken a single sip of alcohol.

Hanatarou just looked confused and was staring quizzically at his drink.

"You look like you really need that Hanatarou. Go on drink up!" She coaxed. Hanatarou waivered but finally sipped the drink. He made a sour face but managed to swallow. Wonder what will happen and who is this awesome captain?

"Excuse me, but are you the captain of this division?" I asked hopefully. If all the people in this division were this good looking and fun I was ready to eat my soul candy and join up now.

The red head laughed so hard she snorted. "Heavens no! If the captain were here he would have a fit. He is such a straight-edge." She moaned as she refilled her cup. Then she looked at me and as if for the first time was actually seeing me.

"You're a new face!" She said narrowing her catty grey eyes thoughtfully. "What squad are you in?"

"err…I am not in a squad. I am just visiting." I said smiling. She smiled back and clinked her glass against mine.

"Welcome, visitor! My name is Matsumoto Rangiku the beautiful buxom vice captain of squad ten!" She downed her glass and hiccupped. Then looked at me expectantly. I took a sip and smiled. Was there a drinking age limit in this world?

"So what brings you to seireitei?" The handsome male asked. I felt my cheeks growing warm again. I turned to look at him. Dark hair framed his lean face graced with tattooed bands that made his look a little bad boy but his dark eyes were so kind and inviting. I felt myself leaning forward but caught it and quickly pulled away. Does alcohol act that fast?

"Umm…just meeting the captains and seeing what life is like." I said averting my eyes to his shoulder which being exposed was a bit distracting.

"How do you like it so far?" He asked leaning a bit closer.

All memories of creepy sphinx scientists , fat ninjas, and homicidal foxes fled. My mind was filled with the handsome man before me. "I love it!" I said a bit too enthusiastically. He nodded and finished his glass. Matsumoto was urging a pink faced Hanatarou to finish his glass as she brandished the bottle.

"Not all squads are as much fun as ten." He said to me conspiratorially. "Usually we are very respectable and hard working."

"What was that Hisagi-san?" Matsumoto called. "Stop filling our visitors head with silly ideas and come finish the game!" Matsumoto was holding a deck of cards and Hanatarou now held the alcohol bottle.

"What are you playing?" I asked curiously.

"strip poker" Hisagi sighed pulling his arm the rest of the way out of his top allowing it to fall from his waist exposing one of the most perfect specimens of male I had ever seen. I quickly wiped a bit of drool from the corner of my mouth.

"You wanna play?" Matsumoto asked. "You will right, Hana-chan!" She smiled at Hanatarou who nodded dumbly as he held the sake bottle. Poor guy must have really low tolerance. "Alright then let's start!"

I could not believe this alcohol and strip poker in the middle of the afternoon and with a guy this hot? I was about to pinch myself to make sure it was not a dream when the door slammed opened.

"Matsumoto!" An irritated voice rumbled. I tore my eyes away from Hisagi to see a petite boy with spiky white hair. He was wearing a familiar flowing white robe. So this must be the "straight-edge" captain. His youthful face was crumpled in irritation and disgust. "What are you drinking and why is your paper work still piled on that desk?" He asked a vein throbbing in his forehead as he observed the general discord in the room.

"Oh Taicho!" Matsumoto gushed then paused to try and think of an excuse through the fog of alcohol. "We have some distinguished guests. From…from.." She looked desperately over at Hanatarou who was tossing cards like ninja stars across the table.

"Urahara!" he hiccupped.

"Yes, from Urahara!" Matsumoto finished as if that settled it all. Hisagi was fumbling with his robe and edging toward the door.

"You will remember that Urahara was exiled from soul society so I don't see how he can have guests here." Hitsugaya snapped as he snatched up the bottle of sake with a frown.

Hanatarou sobered up a bit and clumsily stood up beside me. "Apologies Captain Hitsu-hiccup-gaya" Hanatarou lowered his head in shame. "We will leave you alone now." Bowing he made a wobbly path to the door.

"Aww…" Matsumoto pouted from her chair. Hisagi had shrugged on his top and had almost made good his escaped when he was called upon by the captain.

"Hisagi!" Hitsugaya barked stopping the older man in his tracks. "Take this with you and don't let me catch you drinking in this office again." He jammed the sake bottle into Hisagi's hand and glared the group out the door.

I could hear his angry voice and Matsumoto's sad mewls of discontent all the way to the division gates.

Still, it was not all bad. I ended up with the sake and the hot guy all to myself. Well, Hanatarou was there too looking a bit down and confused. "I have embarrassed myself in front of a captain." He moaned and pulled out a hanky to blow his nose. As he did a piece of paper fluttered to the ground.

Curious, Hisagi picked it up. "What's this?" He said unfolding the small slightly crumpled paper. "A list of divisions?" He said as a confused expression drifted across his handsome features.

"Places I was supposed to take her." Hanatarou burbled through his hanky. "Where can I take her in this state?" he blew his nose even harder.

"With a bottle of sake in hand and a nice buzz going, there is only one division to go to." Hisagi said crumpling up the list and sliding it into his pocket. "Division eight!" Hisagi grabbed Hanatarou by his collar and started pulling him down the street.

It took me a moment to realize I should probably follow them. I had to jog to catch up. Blushing a bit I grabbed a hold of Hisagi's sleeve. I could always blame the sake but he did not seem to mind. The three of us wove down the street towards what I hoped as a very forgiving captain.

* * *

A/N: I love writing about Division 10. The dynamic between Hitsugaya and Rangiku is so fun. I also had a request to do division 10 first so here it is. No worries Kyoraku fans, he is next. As always, thanks for reading and feel free to give input. I am always happy to incorporate other people's ideas. (^_^)/


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